Sample 4 Book 2 the Power to Succeed

RUNNING YOUR RACKET

 We all run rackets. A racket is an unwanted condition that’s kept in place because it provides a payoff. One such payoff is personal suffering. Suffering is having something you don’t want or wanting something you don’t have. When you suffer, you and others get to feel sorry for you. You may not be aware you are a racketeer, instead feeling sorry for yourself as a victim of circumstances beyond your control.

Rackets are about resisting those conditions in life you see as undesirable without taking responsibility for doing something about them. The dynamics of resisting actually keep the racket and the related mood of suffering in place. Let me give your a few examples.

Using age as an excuse is a racket. Travel the world? Go back to school? Get involved in a new relationship? Do something differently? Not me, I’m too old to do that! Age has nothing to do with what’s possible in life. It’s simply an excuse for not taking responsibility for playing full out. Notice the tone of suffering exhibited by people who run this racket. Poor John, he’d like to be able to learn something new, but he’s just too old.

Fear can also be a racket when people use it as justification for playing safe, staying stuck or not expanding beyond their comfort zone. People use fear to avoid responsibility for making courageous choices. Fear is an unreal illusion. Physiologically, it appears as the same body sensation as excitement. Only the interpretation placed on the sensation distinguishes the two.

Poverty can be a racket when it’s about not taking responsibility for success. When you’re poor, the world is making you a victim at the affect of lacking money and resources. Your self-esteem suffers when you see no way out. You’re disadvantaged, underprivileged, and incapable of affecting change. You shift focus from being the source of abundance to the recipient of handouts. You’re indignantly angry that life is so unfair.  As that old movie cowboy used to say, “Weren’t my fault, were it?”  You have the ability to change your situation. You need not always be poor and a victim. Suffering is optional.

There are, of course, instances where poverty is not a racket. Famines, natural disasters, third world countries and disabilities can all affect one’s ability to take responsibility for creating abundance. No one is disputing that it is more difficult to succeed coming from a disadvantaged background. To give up and blame circumstances rather than be proactive and affect change does not support anyone. As with every distinction, there are no absolute rules. The intent is always to empower, never to blame.

Continually apologizing, berating yourself and feeling perpetually sorry are all rackets. It’s much easier being sorry or apologetic than responsible and proactive.

Staying in an abusive relationship can also be a racket with a huge payoff. Instead of taking responsibility for doing whatever it takes to make life work, people stay in unworkable relationships so they can feel sorry for themselves and gain the sympathy of others. To leave a bad relationship and a commitment to the status quo may mean ceasing to be a victim while taking full responsibility to make life work.

The way to end rackets and the accompanying suffering is to tell the truth. You cannot hurt people by telling the truth responsibly. Intimacy is directly related to open communication. Withholding the truth hurts others. The truth can set you free - but it may tick you off first. Telling the truth is essential to developing mastery and achieving satisfaction in any arena.

UNCOVERING YOUR RACKETS

1) Where are you are not taking responsibility for everything that shows up around you?

2) Where are you suffering or playing the role of the victim? Where have you not fully told the truth?

3) What persistent conditions are you resisting? What specific bold action will you take to reclaim control? By when will you act? 

RUNNING OUR RACKET

Whenever we do not take complete responsibility for every aspect of our lives, we sell ourselves short. We play small and become accustomed to living beneath our potential. Rather than living a commitment to excellence, we settle for less and then pretend it is beyond our control. We co-conspire with others by not mentioning when we see them play small because we don’t wish for them to remind us of the same. This self-defeating behavior remains in place because of the extensive payoffs we get by keeping it there.

Some of these payoffs include:

*We get to be right and make others wrong.

*We get to avoid being made wrong ourselves.

*We get to win or avoid losing.

*We get to dominate and avoid being dominated.

*We get to avoid being responsible for effectively managing relationships and communication.

*We get to be a victim with all the accompanying pity and sympathy that victims deserve.

*We get to justify not acting differently

These payoffs reinforce the very behavior we supposedly seek to avoid. We are so addicted to being right that it consumes our lives. We will do just about anything to be right and avoid being wrong including trading our relationships, love and happiness. Being right is the source of most conflicts including wars. We will kill other people to be right.

Perhaps, the epitaph on the head stone at the local cemetery said it best. It read, I told you I was sick – and apparently he was right!

We’ve taken a look at the payoffs for keeping behavior that does not support us in place. One reason we keep self-destructive behavior around is because we are not fully present to the costs. As you examine the fall-out from behavior patterns that do not support you, look in the following closely inter-related areas. You cannot affect one area negatively without causing others to suffer as well.

1) Relationships, partnerships, love and intimacy. These are all a function of clean, open communication. If any of these areas are less satisfying than you’d like, look at where communication is suffering. What have you not said and to whom? What requests must you make in order to begin this process?

2) Your physical and mental health and well-being. These are directly related to your emotional state. Suppressing or denying important emotions and dishonoring core values will result in the manifestation of disease somewhere in your body. This is most apparent with heart disease and cancer but is equally true for most every form of illness. For an extensive treatment of the correlation between mind, body and spirit, read Louise Hay’s extraordinary book, You Can Heal Your Life.     Where is your health suffering and what recurring condition                                                                   could be contributing to this?

3) Happiness and peace of mind. You always have a choice in every situation. Decide to be in choice. Accept what is so or decide to change it. Remaining in an unacceptable situation without an action plan will cost you your happiness and your life. Where have you resigned yourself to a situation that does not honor or support you? What will you do about it starting today?

4) Your self-expression, vitality and aliveness. Your energy is directly related to your state of mind and is a reflection of your happiness. Year after year, as you slowly become submerged in the waters of resignation, your vitality and self-expression suffer. You become so accustomed to this state of apathy and resignation that you forget it is unnatural and unnecessary.  As Norman Cousins once said, “The true tragedy in life is not death but that which dies inside us while we are still alive”. Where have you given up or settled for a condition that does not support your aliveness?

5) Your productivity and vision for what life could be like. The potential to influence the world by contributing your gift suffers when you sell out your dreams. Failing to honor your most important values affects your ability to contribute to others and yourself. As your productivity suffers so does your influence for good. As you squander your potential what you receive back from life also suffers. Before you realize it, you’re in a vicious circle of mediocrity.

What you put out to others comes back to you. When you interrupt the cycle of contributing to others, you shut down the cycle of continuing returns. Where has your productivity suffered from not fully pursuing your potential?

6) Your values and ideals. These are critical elements in defining who you are. Examine where you have compromised your values by selling yourself short. Where is your integrity out? What steps can you take to restore it and begin to honor your values?

The only way to affect change is to become fully present to what it is costing you not to do so. Where have you quit, played it safe, or opted for anything less than being your best?

BREAK THOSE PATTERNS THAT DO NOT SUPPORT YOU

1) Identify patterns of behavior that do not support your excellence?

2) What payoffs do you consistently receive by keeping these patterns in place?

3) What action you will take to break up behaviors that sabotage your effectiveness? By when will you act? Who will hold you accountable to your commitment for decisive action?

4) What are you being right about in your life? What is it costing you in terms of your health, love, relationships and happiness?