Sample 5 Book 2 the Power to Succeed

YOUR LISTENING DETERMINES WHAT WILL SHOW UP FOR YOU IN LIFE

One of the greatest myths is that we listen to others from the perspective that our listening is empty. That is, that we are a blank slate and when others speak we hear exactly whatever they are saying and intending that we get from their speaking.

Our listening is actually full. Nothing can show up for us if we do not have a listening for it. We live in the listening other people provide for us. If the listening for our speaking is a generous listening, the chances of our really being heard and understood are far greater than if the listening we are speaking into is one that prevents it.

For example, you may be an accomplished and successful businessperson leading a multinational corporation.  When you speak into the listening of your colleagues, you are heard as charismatic and powerful. In contrast, when you return to your small hometown to visit mom and dad, you may speak into the listening that you are little, helpless Johnny or Susie. When you return to your 20-year high school reunion, if the listening for you is an introverted book worm, this is how you will show up for others no matter how much you have since changed. a Because you will not be able to show up for others in a way that is different from the listening they have for you, be aware of what the listening is for your speaking. With this awareness, you will create the opportunity to speak such that you make an impact. To be truly effective, take responsibility for creating the listening that you want others to have for you.

Train others in regard to how you are to be treated and how they are to interact with you. If you find that people consistently treat you poorly, without respect, ordering you around or abusing you in any way, you have not likely trained them otherwise.

Learn to train others how to treat you by making requests that cause them to honor you in their interactions. Do not settle for behavior that is inappropriate for the person you have chosen to be. Taking full responsibility for the listening into which you are speaking while managing how you are heard with clear, clean communication will skyrocket your effectiveness.

Being aware of the listening you have for others is as important as being aware of the listening they have for you. If you consider someone to be not particularly powerful or intelligent, you’ll likely miss any significant contribution they might make to you. Listening to the same person with an expectation to get something significant from the conversation will result in a totally different perspective with new and previously undiscovered possibilities.

As you listen to what is spoken as well as to what is unsaid, your personal power will increase in proportion to your ability to listen. You will only be capable of generating a new listening to hear others when you recognize how you typically listen. Take responsibility for owning how you listen and a world of new possibilities will emerge.

Remember, we are always listening to something. We are either listening to what is being said or to what that little voice in our head is telling us about it.

Notice how often you either check out of a conversation and stop listening or how often you find yourself listening to your own opinions and judgments about what is said.

All it takes to be powerful in listening is your intention to do so, returning yourself to your commitment when you notice you are not. To generate a powerful listening, listen for possibilities. Listen for the other person’s values, concerns and commitments. Get into their world and truly listen for what it’s like to be them. Access your personal power by continually asking yourself, “What am I now listening to now?”

EXPANDING YOUR LISTENING

1) Pay attention to what your listening is for the people you speak with on a daily basis? Identify if your listening is a generous one or one that makes the other person small.

2) Consciously generate an empowered listening, listening for some value and contribution in every conversation regardless of the person’s style of speaking or the opinion you hold about them.

3) In each conversation, notice the listening you are speaking into. Is it an impatient, angry, know-it-all or distracted listening?  Describe each person’s listening.

4) Managing the listening you speak into.

If the person is not paying attention, stop the conversation to ask if perhaps it’s not a good time to have the conversation.   If you are being listened to in a way that does not support the conversation, address your concern up front. Take responsibility for being heard.

5) Record your observations in your journal daily.